Project and article originally created on 7/15/2008, migrated to Tumblr on 10/16/2011
Professor Oak: Your Porygon has gone and evolved into a massive battle tank!
Click on thumbnails to enlarge…
“PORYGON, GO!! Bite off that retarded Slowbro’s head!”
Think back to the golden days of the Pokémon fad. Like most things I enjoy (that everyone else also enjoys), I was a fan of Pokémon long before it was a hot topic craze. In fact, I liked it before it even came to America. When the huge boom of Pikachu and Snorlax merchandise made it to the shelves in 1999-2000, all of the kids at school went into a frenzy as if it’s the new Coke, meanwhile I on the other hand said, “Cool, it’s about time they bring this stuff to mainstream.”
But anyway, enough of my scoffing. When I first got into Pokémon (or Pocket Monsters as it was originally called) in 1998 during 8th grade, Nintendo Power magazine had art sections where readers could draw and submit Pokémon pictures. I flipped through the pages of the Pocket Monster comic book and came to the conclusion that the blocky-looking Porygon seemed easy to draw, and thus I made fan art based on Pokémon #137.
Detailed Weapons Analysis!
- A - Pulsating Ion-cannon tail
- B - Folding steel wings
- C - Underbelly mini-blasters
- D - 50 Caliber machine guns
- E - Rocket launchers
- F - Underwing heavy laser blasters
- G - Titanium-tipped beak
- H - Optic sensors with confusion ray generator
- I - Jet thrusters
When I got around to playing the games in 2000 (both GameBoy and Trading Card Game), I instantly got ahold of a Porygon and donned him my personal favorite. I was the only person I ever knew who used one as a primary fighter, as opposed to the common trainers who merely caught them for the sake of adding the rare Pokémon to their collection. There was always something about Porygon that made him seem really cool, therefore I couldn’t resist making one out of LEGO! Now, as the Pokémon mythos explain, Porygon is a virtual 3-D monster created on a computer and brought to life. Well, if I can write my own rules, then in my personal storytelling, I used my wicked programming skills to hack into the Saffron City mainframe and then altered Porygon’s Poké DNA to suit my needs. The final result: A giant mutant robot Porygon larger than a Cadillac El Dorado, and equipped with machine guns, rocket pods & missile launchers!
In my GameBoy games, I always named my Porygons “Starscream” after my favorite Transformer, who also shares a color scheme similar to my favorite Pokémon. Well, this fancy robot Porygon is nicknamed “Supertzar”, obviously from the totally boss Black Sabbath song! No Mudkip, Lugia, Ho-oh or even a fleet of Unowns can withstand the might of my red and blue beast! For a size comparison, I have added a mini-Mudkip into the shot so you can get a feel of how awesome his size and strength is!
Within his innards lie a highly advanced command console that could put NASA’s Space Shuttle to shame. It’s also got jet engines on the feet to give it that power-gliding boost, as well as folding wings that reveal auxiliary arsenal. In full attack mode, Supertzar’s wing’s emerge and his feet fold backwards for better aerodynamic performance. Its tail contains a pulsating ion cannon to disable the electronic circuitry of electric-type Pokémon. I mean, after all if this thing is now a flying-type, it’ll need a competitive edge against thunderbolt wielding foes! Hey, as long as we’re at it, I’ll go the whole nine yards as to say its eyes can emit a seizure-inducing radio signal to strike confusion into the brains of opponents! I mean, if the original Porygon could in the TV show, then why not?
“Bristling with rocket pods, Gatling guns and cannon — the latest in technology to slay the foes of Mammon!” - The Reaganator by GWAR